How’d You Do? Your EQ and You

If you haven’t already read and responded to “What’s Your EQ?” now is the time to do so. Then return to this piece to see what your responses may mean.

With a maximum of 5 points possible in each paired item, the coolest cats among you, the Barack Obamas of the bunch, could top out at 25. The dangerously loose cannons might skid in at a lowly 5.

Here’s what your responses might be saying about you:

A + A (5 points): You respond with grace, and that response springs genuinely from the core of who you are. It’s your customary modus operandi. It feels natural, comfortable, and productive and you gain satisfaction from the fact that you stayed in control and can expect a positive outcome as a result. Your satisfaction springs not from feeling you’ve won, but from feeling you’ve handled a situation positively.

A + B (4 points): You take the most productive course of action in a given situation, but you may not be happy about it. It doesn’t feel quite right, but you manage to keep your behavior under control. It may be difficult to feel calm because you regard your response as a sign of weakness. You probably have some work to do to recognize the boundaries between you and other people.

B + A (3 points): You’re a little edgy. What you do probably won’t escalate the situation, but it may not improve it much. You may really want to take more aggressive action, but know that will be counter-productive and are able to refrain from escalating the situation. Recognizing this, you’re able to let go of what you may, deep down, regard as an affront.

B + B (2 points): You’re dangerously close to making matters worse. Your response feels unnatural to you and you’re not able to drop it off your internal radar and go on. This response is hazardous to you because it may lessen your ability to deal productively with another trying incident if it occurs before you’ve calmed down.

C + A (1 point): Now you’re really in the danger zone. Choice C indicates you’ve selected an aggressive course of action which may push you and the precipitating culprit into a perilous confrontation, and that choice has helped you stay calm. This pattern, feeling calmer after a confrontation, is often found in those who are physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive.

C + B (1 point): If you select a belligerent course of action, but still feel angry, you obviously haven’t gained the satisfaction you want from your response. This indicates you’re willing to risk escalation in order to gain the satisfaction you need and are a danger to those around you. If you’re selecting option C, regardless of your following response (A or B), you have work to do on yourself. Therapy may help.

It’s important to remember that your responses to these questions are a snapshot of where you are right now and will be affected by everything else in your life at the moment. Only you can know whether they reflect your typical behavior or whether they’re affected by events, good or bad, that impinge on you at the moment.

Remember: It’s Not a Life Sentence. You can choose to change.