To All Expectant Dads
We’re expecting a new little Lacey in the fall, my first grandchild, and with Father’s Day approaching, I thought we all could use a reminder of how significant fathers are. This is a “letter” from that unborn child to her (?) father.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy-o . . .
How do you like the onesie Granny got me? I think it’s perfect myself.
Sorry the photo shoot at the doctor’s office caught me at a bad time the other day. I was resting and it was just so comfy in there with my legs crossed. I hear you’re pretty sure I’m a girl, but there’s a chance I was hiding something. I wouldn’t know.
Anyway . . .there are some things Granny thinks you already know, but she wanted me to remind you anyway. Things like . . .
¤ Regardless of my gender, you’ll be the most important man in my life for quite a long time. Whatever you are, that’s what I’ll expect a man will be. Granny tells me you’ll be a wonderful example.
¤ If I am a girl, I’ll get my first indelible impressions of how I can expect to be treated as a woman from the way you treat my mom. Those memories will influence me all my life. Keep havin’ fun together.
¤ On the off-chance I’m a boy, I’ll get my first indelible impressions of how a man walks through the world from you and I’ll pattern myself after what I see you do. Granny tells me she sees a lot of your father in you and it’s all (well, “mostly,” she says) good. Pass it on!
¤ Regardless of who I am . . .
- I I’ll sit on your lap and watch Charger games with you, but you’ll need to calm down. All that shouting and stomping and gnashing of teeth will be way too scary for me this year.
- I I’ll play with you any time you want.
- I I really will think you have super powers like the onesie says. I hear you used to say “Daddy will fix it” whenever you broke anything. Well, guess what!
¤ The time will come
when I don’t think you have super powers at all and are actually rather timeworn and out of touch. Remember how ignorant Granny and Grandpa got when you were in high school? I hope that doesn’t happen to you, but it might. Don’t worry. They got smarter later on, and I think you will, too.
See ya’ soon, Pops.
Hugs and kisses,
Your Baby
Happiness Injections?
Happiness injections: In the past, that’s how I thought of those times when life seemed, suddenly and surprisingly, perfect. And I believed the ability to seize and revel in those moments both indicated and contributed to sound mental health. I still believe that.
Recently, however— just since I started drafting this piece a couple of days ago, in fact—I’ve come to see those treasured times in a more profound light. Life is serendipitous. Sometimes what you need is brought to you unbidden.
Our minister’s Sunday topic was “Care of the Soul.” She described a recent incident in which, driving down Interstate 5 south of Los Angeles, she crested a hill and saw the Pacific in colors so deep and vibrant that “it almost made me sick . . .but not in a bad way.” She felt as though she had taken the scene into her body, she said, and acknowledged that the phenomenon, difficult to put into words, might be almost impossible to understand if you had never experienced it yourself.
As she spoke, I began to see that, in her view, “soul care” embodied those moments I had called “happiness injections.” I like her view better. It is, as I said, more profound and points to a coming together of mind, body, and spirit in a crystallizing moment of connection with the universe. At such times we feel, but the feeling defies analysis.
This kind of soul care requires intense engagement in the moment, openness to whatever is around us, a willingness to relate to the world on its own terms. While I’ve never experienced the physical sensation she described, there have been many times in my life when I’ve felt the uplifting “moreness” she described.
I like her view because, unlike mine, it offers a kernel of explanation. What I’ve called “happiness jolts” have always eluded my understanding. Now I’m beginning to understand why that’s the case: It involves the soul, a concept I struggle with. Nevertheless, skeptic that I 
am, I have moments of quiet exhilaration when I feel transported by a sense of connection, community, contentment. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Many things can take me there. The clear soprano of a boys’ choir singing a descant high above the voices of a congregation; the first glimpse of a black-and-white photo that captures, as Technicolor cannot, the ambiance and tone of a time now gone; the flow of an unplanned day that weaves unexpected new connections with loved ones. The list goes on.
Each of us connects with the universe in our own unique way. I wonder what works for you.
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