The most productive people in the world make lists.Some do it on paper and some, on computer, while the most accomplished among them (that doesn’t include me) keep lists in their heads.
For a long time, I preferred to do my list-making on pads of lined paper.It was satisfying to draw lines through entries as I completed each task.Eventually, I moved on to the computer and discovered it was equally rewarding to highlight an item and hit “delete.”
Making a list provides a sense of control, especially when the demands of life seem crushing.First there’s the list, then the setting of priorities or the grouping of “to-do’s” into categories or the “aha” moments when you realize some items you’ve included are so lacking in urgency they can be removed, at least for the moment.
When life seems overwhelming, it’s often because we’re beset with too much to do, too many responsibilities, and too little time.Sometimes, the lists we really need to make are those that identify what we can do to simplify our lives.If we can’t do that, however, lists help create focus and organization.
Some people have made lists for so long it’s second nature for them.If you’re not one of them, you might want to give it a try.Whatever you’re doing now, It’s Not a Life Sentence.
The first comes from books and newscasts, parents and teachers, sibs and classmates and cousins.It’s knowledge you have because “someone” told you so.
The latter springs from your own experience.You know something because you learned it in the crucible of life.You understand it deeply. You’ve tested and internalized its meaning because you’ve found it to be true—at least, for you—and it has become part of your personal creed.
A great deal of grief has been visited on this troubled planet by people who mistake the first kind of knowledge for the second and come to embrace some of the darnedest beliefs.Why else the ethnic cleansing, religious persecution, and ready condemnation of those who look different, hold different opinions, pursue lifestyles different from one’s own?
On the international scene, unquestioning acceptance of rigid beliefs too often leads to war that ravages the invaded, drains precious resources from the invader, and creates resentments that fuel further conflicts into the untold future.The inevitable outcome?Depletion of the human spirit and sense of security all around.
On the domestic front, pulpit demagogues draw the attention of the body politic away from poverty, climate change, health care, education, taxes—pressing issues, all, that daily affect our quality of life.Instead, they focus on personal questions like abortion and gay marriage and leave unaddressed the compelling and very real threats to liberty and well-being.The outcome of this?Too often, a chasm between those who perceive themselves as receivers and purveyors of the one true word, handed down from above, and those who know that their truth and reality begins with who they are at the core.
Although overspending is a chronic affliction, It’s Not a Life Sentence. A couple of weeks ago I suggested all of us should take a look at where our money goes (“Messages from Your Money, 1”). Today, I’m thinking about what lies beneath so much financial grief.
Among the culprits, of course, are the usual suspects—too much credit card debt (and exorbitant interest rates), out-of-control medical expense (and too little health insurance), and prices that are rising like a Saturn rocket. However, two factors—unrealistic mortgages and inflated expectations—combined in recent years to create the perfect storm.
It could have been avoided, but lender greed fed purchaser appetite.With easy credit, lax lending practices, and an economy that seemed to promise ever rising home values, buyers failed to practice due diligence.The old adage holds true: Buyer beware!Gone were the days when a potential lender called your employer to verify income, your bank to verify savings, your landlord to verify your payment habits.Intrusive?Maybe.But it kept both banks and buyers out of trouble.
Without that safety net, purchasers fell for the easy, low introductory payments and failed with alarming frequency to educate themselves about what would happen to those payments when interest rates rose.
In addition, too many who already owned their homes began to use them as money machines, refinancing or using equity lines to pull cash out, often for discretionary expenses which could easily have been delayed.When the housing market tumbled, many ended up owing more on their houses than their homes were worth, though they had “owned” their property for many years.
With cash and homes so easy to come by—or so it seemed—expectations spiraled upwards.Then the housing bubble burst, gas prices escalated, and prices of food and almost everything else followed suit.Meanwhile, many clung to what was proving to be an unsustainable lifestyle for far too long.
If you’re among those in trouble, here’s what you need to remember: You are not your money.You are not your house.You are not your possessions.
You are the decision maker, and you need to take control.You’ll feel better, once you do.
In addition to the current economics that impact us all, surveys show that certain personal traits lead to overspending, among them . . .
You can’t say no, whether it involves telling a child she can’t have that new outfit or telling a friend you can’t afford dinner at that pricey restaurant she’s suggesting.In the first instance, you don’t want to disappoint your child; in the second, you fear losing face and want to maintain an image.
You use credit cards and it doesn’t feel like you’re actually spending money.You fail to keep track of how much you’ve charged, are unable to pay the bill off by the due date, and end up paying so much interest that you make little progress towards paying off the purchases.
Spending money gives you a sense of power and enhances your view of yourself.
You enjoy the immediate gratification of making a purchase.It fills a void in your life and helps you define who you are.
Acknowledging the source of trouble is the first step toward change.Do any of the above apply to you?Have a chat with yourself and see what you think.
Suddenly (or so it seemed) I found myself being interviewed on the radio a few days ago.
The last time I had been on the air I was 11 years old and battling with a competitor of like age and abilities for a coveted crown: spelling champ of Wayne County, Indiana.I went down to defeat.I have no idea now what word led to my downfall or the name of the victor, but I’m sure I remembered both for quite awhile.
On that long-ago occasion, my task was simple.Spell the word.You were either right or you were wrong.
My recent appearance proved more complex.As I replayed it in my mind (and on the Internet, this having been a production of blogtalkradio), I realized the word spirituality had proven problematic.The term came up when one of the interviewers (there were three of them) asked whether I talked about spirituality in working with clients.
I wasn’t prepared for the question.After all, the interview was focused on my book, It’s Not a Life Sentence, and thanks to the wonders of the computer age and the “find” feature of my word processing program, I’ve been able to ascertain that that word appears exactly once in the book.
But here’s the crux of the issue.I should have asked the questioner what she meant by spirituality before I flopped around and tried to frame an answer.After all, spirituality is one of those loaded words with such a range of meanings that you and I could bandy it about quite awhile before we realized we held different views of what the word means.(Just take a look at Wikipedia’s explanation.)
My answer probably should have been “Yes, I do talk about spirituality.I just don’t call it that.”
The point is this: Our perception of the world—the fundamental ingredient in the decisions we make—is embodied in language.I once worked with a young mother concerned about her son.
“He steals,” she told me.Sounds serious, doesn’t it?
“Tell me about that,” I said.
“Well, I had some money on my bureau and it came up missing.Later I found it in Jimmy’s room,” she replied, somewhat indignantly.
Jimmy, it turned out, was four years old.Stealing?No.Taking something that didn’t belong to him?Yes.But by calling it stealing, his mom was in danger of creating a problem where one didn’t exist.When she was able to perceive that what had happened was the result of Jimmy’s immaturity, she saw the incident as simply an indicator of a concept she needed to help him understand.She was relieved to realize she didn’t have a budding burglar on her hands.
